I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
