The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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