tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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