It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
