I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
