a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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