Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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