He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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