If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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