I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
