my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
