Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
