if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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