i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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