he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
