btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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