WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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