Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
