I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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