i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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