i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he thought i was a dude.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
