Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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