I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
