you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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