He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
