i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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