Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
