i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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