Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
