dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it because I queefed?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
