apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
