I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
