Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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