Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
