you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
