you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
