I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
