i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
