Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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