so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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