you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
