i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
