I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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