I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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