Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
