I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
