So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
