With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
