genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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