grandma shit on top of the toilet
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
